For the longest time, I have been wanting to start this little blog of mine. In whatever form that may look like, I just need to get started. Then I focus on logos and branding, layouts, various crafts I want to do, I think about how I can help my community and how fortunate I am to have the life I do. My heart bleeds for others and I lose what little sleep I allot to myself in such thoughts. All of these desires, all of these thoughts, combined with daily life mount up. I also make sure that my daughter is put first. But, then even going to the park every night becomes too much. I break, I fall, I’m exhausted. I persist, but my body warns me that I need to slow down. I become irritable and I want to rest, but I keeping putting off my greatest need for another day. Until…..I cry uncle.
Allergies, head cold, headaches, menstrual cramps, and exhaustion. In an attempt at self-care I attend Yoga for the second time in a week. Apparently, I was attempting to be a yoga hero because I pulled the muscle in my neck and two days later I can barely move. I do what I have been needing to do for weeks. I take a day off work. Instead of enjoying this day and crafting, or working on my blog or website I spend all but maybe an hour of my day attempting to find some sort of relief. Self-Care. SO. IMPORTANT. I’m getting better, but I really have a lot of work to do.
Amongst the exhaustion and irritability I start to lose my focus. I decide that my pursuant of helping mama’s clothe their babies is too time consuming, crafting becomes just another task for another day and blogging….I feel like I have already missed out on writing about so many important things. The exhaustion cripples me, I suppose this is my bodies way of suggesting a break. Amazingly, the smallest of breaks, of rests, can encourage my perseverance and I’m back, still tired, but rejuvenated.
I’m pretty sure I will always miss my unlimited rest, but I don’t miss my feeling of lack of meaning and search for self. I have found myself, she is a fearless mama, busy, caring and a hard worker. She doesn’t give up, she may take a breath, but she doesn’t give up.